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Staying Calm

Am I allowed to feel a little scared? 

A Kiss Before Running For My Life

Why do I feel the need to stop whatever task I'm working on and just laying face-up in bed and staring at the ceiling? And even when I close my eyes, I don't feel tired at all but I end up falling asleep after a while. My sleep is fitful. I wake up feeling overheated and sweating, and my dreams are vivid. Remembering their details come easily. Waking up is hard. I pull myself away from the dream. I wake up but I realize that I am still dreaming. Still struggling. Once a lovely kiss with a man I admire. Then turns to laying adrift on a wooden raft. My father tries to save me when the seawater soon turns red. Red with blood. He tells me to run, and I know I have to hide. 'They will catch me,' I just know, but I still try to hide. I look up at the pegs of wood that resemble a makeshift ladder running up the wall above my bed to the ceiling. But the ceiling is sealed. I panic. Somehow, I must hide up there. I fear that my pursuers have followed the trail of red that I left in footsteps. The ceiling opens for me. I see people sleeping soundly on the roof. My love sleeps peacefully on straw with a blanket pulled up to his chest. Observing him, I see charming freckles adorning the nose and cheeks. I flee. I am on a ship, it is night time. The ship braves the strength of the ocean, tipping one way then the other. There are others aboard, but I am alone. It is too dark. I've done this before. We've taken this trip once together. From Texas, to Louisiana or was it Florida? I am afraid. I try to draw strength from the sense of familiarity. Wake up, wake up! I can't return to my reality! The pull of the familiar is stronger that I anticipate. I don't give up. Soon, I'll open my eyes. I meet my ceiling again and sigh.

I miss Gossip Girl!

I'm obsessed with the new CW drama, Reign. It's a historical/costume drama too!

And the music is amazing.

Good Samaritan

He wasn't a good person, but he wanted to be good for her. Something about her compelled him. And he was. Until he wasn't.



When I touched you, I was always cold. You were so warm. Now the warmest part of me are my tears.

Understand it

There is a shipwreck between your ribs. You are a box with
fragile written on it, and so many people have not handled you
with care.

And for the first time, I understand that I will never know
how to apologize for being
one of them.

“What It Took To Understand,” Shinji Moon (via zvlf)


Արդյոք դուք թույլ տվեք սիրել ձեզ?


It does not matter if I miss you because I can never go back.

Whiteboard Scribbles

I'm erasing my whiteboard and saving the scribbles that adorned it.

  • The only way to find true happiness is to risk being cut open.

  • Nothing is lost. Only changed.

  • I learned to love and it's a terrible thing. I'm broken. My heart is broken.

  • We are like boats against the current holding on until a favorable wind arrives.

  • Bring along the good. Leave behind the bad.

  • You did the right thing.

  • Never regret giving love a chance to grow.

  • Soon it will be brighter.


The Biggest Adventure is Living your Dreams
I am a 21 year old college student attempting to juggle a unrelenting and amazing pharmacy course load, with growing up, on top of living more than an ocean away from family, and searching for a sense of belonging, a place to call home. Oh, and did I mention GROWING UP? One thing at a time please. But the universe has different plans for me.

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April 2014


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